Planning number 2

Posted by Babeez (303 days ago)

Hi all,

My first child is just 2 months old but my husband and i want 2 (possibly 3) children. Can anyone share their experiences of what a good age gap might be? I know there is no 'perfect' gap but we were planning on having ours close together.

Also, I delivered via C-section. My doc says i have to wait at least 6 months until trying again. Has anyone gotten pregnant before this time?

One last question...i have still not gotten my period, how long after delivery has it taken you ladies to get yours? I read that it is between 4-10 weeks, it is now more than 8 weeks for me. Is this really normal?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

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Posted by axptguy38 (303 days ago)

In my opinion (and limited experience), short gaps are good since after a few rather intense years your kids are close enough to be good friends.

Our daughters are 18 months apart. It's tough now what with terrible two's on #1 but it will get better.



"My doc says i have to wait at least 6 months until trying again. Has anyone gotten pregnant before this time?"

Lots of people. ;) The record I heard was five months between babies, with the parents having sex more or less at once after #1 and #2 being a preemie. For practical purposes 12 months is on the low side (15 for you). Also you may not conceive right away. Breastfeeding also decreases the chance of conception (decreases, not eliminates).


"One last question...i have still not gotten my period, how long after delivery has it taken you ladies to get yours? I read that it is between 4-10 weeks, it is now more than 8 weeks for me. Is this really normal?"

Quite normal. For my wife it took more than 7-8 months in both cases.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by MilkMonster Laughs (303 days ago)

Hi babeez, we started trying for number 2 when number 1 was 6mths and i had stopped pumping milk - this is when my period came back. it took us 3mths to get pregnant. I too had a c-section and my dr. gave me the same advice but we didn't start trying until my periods returned and the baby was sleeping through the night. Our 2 boys will also be 18mths apart and like axptguy38 mentions, i think it's pretty tough in the beginning but much better after age 4/5 :) good luck!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Wheelymate (303 days ago)

not going spare you the truth - no matter the age gap, it's going to be hard work. mine are 22 months apart, my good friend recently had another and they are about 2.5 years apart....different gaps, different challenges, you just have to ride it out.

so good luck and once you have made up your mind, go for it.

(I am based in Singapore)

Posted by Gabriella (303 days ago)

I breastfed for 7 months and my p arrived 6 weeks after I stopped ( so 8 months post partum). I had 1 period and fell pregnant the next time I ovulated. Although m/c - the fact is I still got preggers.

The shortest timeframe I ever heard of was of a friend getting pregnant 2 months post partum - babes were 11/ 12 months apart. That's SUPER quick - SUPER sperm and SUPER egg :)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Babeez (303 days ago)

Thanks all for the advice...i am thinking of having a tough first few years rather than having a break and then doing it again. I think maybe i will try to go unprotected and see when we will be blessed with a second one. I am not breastfeeding so my period shouldn't take as long to return. Just hoping my stitches from the C-section won't be affected if i were to fall pregnant again so soon. Does anyone know if m/c rates are higher if you have number 2 so quickly?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by axptguy38 (303 days ago)

"i am thinking of having a tough first few years rather than having a break and then doing it again. "

Sounds like a good plan!

"I think maybe i will try to go unprotected and see when we will be blessed with a second one"

Also a good plan.

"Does anyone know if m/c rates are higher if you have number 2 so quickly?"

Never heard of anything like that.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by cara (303 days ago)

if your dr has advised you not to try until 6 months it is because of your c-section. your scar will not be fully healed yet, inside or out.

i would wait the 6 months before trying.

it will STILL be intensive for the next few years.

as for period...after my first 5 months after my second 6 months.

my two are almost exactly 2 years apart.
first was due march 4, 2005 (born feb 12)
second was due march 3, 2007 (born feb 6)

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by hkexpat2007 (303 days ago)

Babeez, I've read in one pregnancy book to wait at least 6 (preferably 9 months) before falling pregnant again, to give your uterus and body a chance to fully recover.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Babeez (292 days ago)

Hi all, thanks for all the replies. Just wondering, it has been over 10 weeks now and still no period. I have not been breastfeeding at all. Can any ladies who did not breastfeed tell me how long it took for their period to return?

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by namaste (291 days ago)

I think it's much easier on the mom to have their kids >3 years apart. On the other hand, my kids are 5 years apart, and it's kind of like raising two only children sometimes. Only b/c their activities and abilities differ sooooo much. I have a feeling that their bond would be much stonger if they were closer in age. If I were to do it again, I would have them within 2 years of one another.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by cara (291 days ago)

>3 is more than 3, you mean <3, right?

i have two almost EXACTLY 2 years apart. in many ways it's great! the older one is fairly self-sufficient and they adore each other. since my second started walking at 10.5 months, they've been playing together...not parallel play... actual playing together!

the older one helps me with the younger one. last night, i was running a bath, neither was in it, but i forgot the shampoo in the downstairs bathroom. i asked my older one to watch the younger and not let her get into the rubbish bin. i closed the door and ran down the stairs, when i was coming back up, i could hear him saying, "no riley, don't play with that, that's very dirty. YUCKY! come play with this!"

what a little man!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by axptguy38 (291 days ago)

"I think it's much easier on the mom to have their kids >3 years apart. "

Well, it is a lot of work. But kids close together perhaps stay closer later in life. And they have such fun together when #1 is not trying to brain #2 with something hard. ;)

Agreed with Cara. There's a lot of laughter when #1 will tell #2: "Careful there. Dangesous!"

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by cd (290 days ago)

Theres a lot to be said for big age gaps too. My eldest and youngest are 13 years apart, and the 6 year old absolutely adores her big sister. They have always done girly things together, like hair and makeup, singing and dancing. She's always writing her letters now she's studying away.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by axptguy38 (290 days ago)

"Theres a lot to be said for big age gaps too. My eldest and youngest are 13 years apart, and the 6 year old absolutely adores her big sister. They have always done girly things together, like hair and makeup, singing and dancing. She's always writing her letters now she's studying away."

Indeed. I guess it depends on a lot of factors.

BTW I saw this documentary about a family with 16 kids. They all loved to play and work together. Everyone helped out with chores in rotation. You had the 5 year old organizing the pantry, others cooking, looking after the smallest ones, etc... The docu was about how they were building a huge house that would fit them all with space to spare. When asked, the kids all wanted to sleep in the same rooms. So they got one big dorm for boys and one for girls. Note that the kids were from 16 to toddler but they still wanted to share. The boys' one had a hole in the wall that led to short tunnel. At the end of the tunnel was a slide down one story into the big indoor playroom!

I think their secret was good organization and the fact that the parents encouraged taking responsibility early. A very well behaved lot of children who had a lot of fun together.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by cara (290 days ago)

those are the duggars... there have been quite a few programmes about them...

you should try to see the one when they go on holiday!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by happymum (275 days ago)

Having 16 kids is just toooooooo much to handle! LOL!

My #1 is just 4 yr old and #2 is 14 mths old, the gap is 2 yrs and 10mths. I'd planned to have closer gap but got m/s once. Now the two girls are very close and actually good friends. The bonding is as close as twins. It's a bit out of my expectation.

Like cara's case, my #2 had her first step when she was 10 1/2 mths old and they now hold hands walking together, play together, talk to each other, understand each other and love each other so much. Just couldn't believe my eyes, sometimes.

A friend of mine has her boys 18mos apart and they drive her crazy becoz the #1 doesn't understand what is going on and is very jealous of the little one. So I think 2-3 yrs gap is perfect for #1 to understand and to love the little one.

Well I am planning to have #3, anyone can share on it? Would that be a different scenario? Thanks!

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by axptguy38 (274 days ago)

"Having 16 kids is just toooooooo much to handle! LOL!"

Well, the Duggars don't seem to have any huge issues. The kids all seemed quite well behaved, with the older ones mentoring and taking care of the younger ones.

"A friend of mine has her boys 18mos apart and they drive her crazy becoz the #1 doesn't understand what is going on and is very jealous of the little one. So I think 2-3 yrs gap is perfect for #1 to understand and to love the little one."

Our daughters are 18 months apart. Sure, there is jealousy, hitting and resentment. However after months of discipline the reign of terror is abating. #1 has time to start loving #2 when they get older, and I have no doubt that it will happen.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by Blatant (274 days ago)

I am 41, my brothers are 42 & 43. Birthdays are 14 months & 15 months apart. Seems many of my parents friends have about the same average. Would mean falling pregnant within 5 or 6 months from previous birth. Not sure if things have changed, but that seemed very normal growing up in Australia

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by axptguy38 (274 days ago)

A lot of patterns nowadays are strongly influenced by the length of maternity leave. For example, in Sweden you get 12 months at 90% salary or 24 at 45%. So a lot of parents wait 12 months before trying again, since the mothers can then have a long unbroken stretch of "time off".

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by neenib (274 days ago)

Our second is due in late June and there will be 5 years difference, so it will be interesting to see the dynamics change in the house. There will always be pros and cons of age gaps. Mine pro will be that my 5 yr old will be self sufficient and at school, so i can concentrate on feeding and resting throughout the day and have (hopefully) more energy & quality time to give my 5 year old after school. On the other hand, I have just finished doing the "hard yards" of baby and toddler years and now I'm starting all over again - AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! What am I thinking? I know though that I was not ready to go through it again so soon and now feel this is the right time, so in the end, it's a gut feeling. Remember what everyone says, there is no right time, just go with it and what's meant to be will be. Good luck.

(I am based in Hong Kong)

Posted by axptguy38 (274 days ago)

"Remember what everyone says, there is no right time, just go with it and what's meant to be will be. "

Wise words. If nothing else, most people don't feel ready for the first one either. ;)

(I am based in Hong Kong)